​[RO] Don’t waste it

Do you remember how much thought you put into losing your virginity?. Maybe it was a specific day, weather, season, or place. I didn’t have a plan per se, but I do remember younger me saying, “I’d probably only lose my virginity if some tipsy girl jumped me and demanded to be fucked.” A sad and messed-up notion. Nonetheless, I proved younger me wrong. I arrived at my girlfriend’s apartment, and there she stood, a petite, thin, light-skinned Latina with short, light-brown hair and big glasses. My first time was anticlimactic and anxiety-filled. To prepare, I did what most men do. I relied on Pornhub to teach me, and in the moment, all of those videos I watched in preparation flew out of my mind, and left me to my own insecurity. As my fingers tried foreplay, I found myself doing Rubik’s Cube moves. Shortly after, she said, “Okay stop.” She got up and went to the bathroom. I got up too and just stood in her living room naked and stunned, not because I sucked at finger play and my pride was hurt, but because I considered myself a man and I was failing.

After a minute of contemplating, I checked in on her, and I nervously sat down on the toilet (with the lid down). She looked at me, and I said, “Get on top.” She gave me an uncertain look, but still climbed on top. My nerves, inexperience, and anxiety didn’t help as I was trying to find the hole. That led me to stab her in the vestibule, and even so, I managed to get it in. There, on that closed toilet, I lost my virginity. It was honestly as bad as it sounds. I honestly thought we did it wrong since I didn’t feel love or happiness. At the end of it, we just quickly put our clothes back on and went outside to her front porch. We started to talk about our day, and then she casually said, “That was just as bad as my first time.” I took a second to process her words. And honestly, I don’t remember saying anything, but I do remember feeling regret and wishing I had just gone to cross-country practice.

As a young man, don’t think of your virginity as a weight that has to be quickly taken off, because in doing so, you might unintentionally hurt your partner or yourself. Better yet, treat it as it truly is. The most intimate action that you’ll never get to experience again for the first time. So don’t rush or throw it at a random person. Search for that reciprocated love and mutual understanding.