Living the life I never want for my child. The hardest most painful part of it all is that I can’t ever get it back. You can only be fake positive for so long before it eats you up from the inside. I tried to hide from my emotions but they just grew bigger and stronger on the inside. It feels like I can’t recognize myself anymore. It’s still me, and they see me as who I always was. But I’m not me anymore. I’m scared of the new. I’m scared of the old. The fear holds me back but I can’t get a hold of it in order to get through. I don’t know how to ask for help anymore. I don’t know how to help myself anymore. I’m stuck. I’m broken. I need help. But that doesn’t really exist anymore. One can only do so much before their own mind controls them. Flashbacks will do that on their own. And then it’s about riding the wave and hoping to get released on the other end. But it doesn’t ever seem to end… because it’s more like a loop. It will restart again. And again. And again. And again. Forever. Like the constant energy moving around me. Forever and ever. The pain will never go away. And that’s the worst part of it all.
submitted by /u/Effective-Hippo6141
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