You make me feel like I’m regressing.
I thrive for a while, then remember you — a grey cloud storming over my progress.
You come and go as you please, pushing me to the side: taking over. You step on toes, say cruel things.
Hurting the people around me is something you enjoy.
You dislike my relationships. You rain on them until we’re all drowning.
They know it’s my fault.
They see the cloud as my own self sabotage: a product of my own demise.
All they see is my dark cloud.
They don’t know what it means — who it embodies.
They only see me, and think: oh god, not this again.
They try to reason with me, but at this point, all I can hear is you.
They don’t love you like I do.
I’d treat you better.
I love you.
Ruin your life — be with me.
I’m on my way.
I’ll always find you.
You pollute my mind until all I see is mist.
I close my eyes — and there you are.
Then you pour.
You pour and pour — until everything breaks.
The water rises.
And rises.
Until everyone around me begins to drown.
God, they hate when this happens.
They don’t know I can’t help it.
Every time, they find rescue — and drag me out too.
That’s what they do: they save themselves, and they save me from sinking.
But they’ve done this so many times, they see it coming.
Still, they’re caught in the eye of the storm.
At first they felt bad—poor you for having to weather this storm in the first place.
Then time after time they blame you for it.
Why can’t you get this cloud in check.
It’s your storm, why drown all of us with you?
You really need to stop this storm.
You know they won’t do this forever.
One day they’ll save themselves, climb above the water, and look down at you.
They see you in the waves — calm, unafraid.
Your hand barely lifts toward them.
You both know: you want to drown.
So they finally let you.
They don’t reach for you.
They just watch in horror as you stop trying to swim.
No — you sink.
You watch them watching you descend.
Their figure distorts, fading with distance,
until they’re gone.
Dark water surrounds you.
You’re not scared.
For the first time, you feel safe — the darkness wrapping around you like a blanket.
You look up — the surface is gone.
It’s just you and the water.
You close your eyes.
For the first and last time,
you drown.
submitted by /u/SoftSkinLeah
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