she was always wondering.
wondering about the past, the present, the future. wondering about who, or what, determines the three.
wondering if it is all pre planned. if it all had consequences.
she observed the movement of the skies. the clouds. she observed how the life around her breathes. how people smile. both the people that matter, or are supposed to, and the ones that don’t.
she was alone, yet never abandoned.
she always felt alienated, but was she?
she was 4.
fortunate enough to have a family. a family that never gave up on trying to escape the unpredictable, that was learning as she was.
fortunate enough to always have shelter, a roof over her head, food on her plate, and a blanket to keep her warm.
fortunate enough to go to school, to play, to feel the sun and the warmth of the sea, to be loved.
fortunate enough to have a brother who, must’ve been learning along with us all, yet never left her side or dimmed his light.
despite it all, she somehow never felt understood. instead she felt disconnected.
her earliest, most comforting sound was not of her mother’s voice, nor of the sound of the apartment door opening when her father came home from work.
her earliest, most comforting scent was not of the blanket that kept her warm at night in a room that had no heating, nor the one of her parents telling her how much they love her.
her earliest, most comforting memory was not one that consisted of that, that should’ve mattered most.
instead, it was, and remained so, of the waves. of the sunset. of the never ending horizon that married the warmth of the setting sun, the crystal clear, yet turbulent noise, that the terrifying waters sang when they reached, and finally kissed the sand where her feet were embedded in after her mom had asked her to remain in her sight.
it was the memory of that moment, where the serenity of it all, was plagued by her young, wondering mind.
why am i here? why do i see this, feel this, resonate with this, from these eyes? from this consciousness? from this soul?
– nikakuz
submitted by /u/Standard-Pollution11
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