​Killing me

I’m a fuck up and I’m tired of losing i wanna live my life but how can I when I’m a reject ,still lost at 29, i lost love for myself sometime ago it’s fine,I’m learning to live this way but I’m a joke and i might need some help struggling to put the bottle down,can’t stand sober me he’s weak,but i don’t wanna be like you I’m not a sheep, somedays i just wanna sleep but my demons keep screaming, nothing seems to keep them away these pills aren’t enough,but I wasn’t this way i used to smile and laugh,now i can’t tell what’s real,sober me is just another memory,no one to talk to no one that would listen,just lies always left on read yet i apologize like i was at fault,but i need some help I’m calling out will someone answer me,this silence is killing me