​This House of Mine

I live in my own little dream home all alone.

Some may look at my home and think of it as nothing more then a run down cabin, But to me these four walls are the best thing that could ever have happened to me. I have one window in my home, it isn’t the biggest but the view is breathtaking in it’s own unique way. Others may look out of my window and see nothing but a harsh barren desert without even a road in sight, But to me I see an infinite sea of sand with more grains then i could even hope to fathom.

My home is cozy.

My home is safe.

I have a door and I can leave whenever I want but why would I want to leave somewhere so cozy?

I don’t get many visitors but that’s just how I like it. I get my food just like anyone else through the mail.

The other day something incredulous happened though. I was sitting down on my sofa and heard a knock on the door. It was a stern and defined knock, No jingle or anything with flair, Just a fist rapping at my door. I was not frightened though in fact I was quite confused if anything. I am no rude host though so I quickly got to my feet and made my way to the door to greet my guest. I grabbed the latch on the door and opened it all the way. I had quite a hearty smile on, I always make sure to smile for guests yes I do. The person standing in my door I did recognize. I could not tell you her name but the moment I laid eyes on her all I felt was fearful. She was a tall thin figure, wearing an all black dress with black lace scarf around her neck and a black veiled sun hat that was so big I doubt any sun had touched the dress as she trekked through the desert to my home. I am Not a rude host so I invited her in, she sat on the couch and lit a cigarette using a glass coaster I owned as an ash tray. I closed the door behind her and stood in front of my Cedar wood coffee table with quite a large smile on my face.

“hello madam, may I offer you a drink or perhaps something to fill your stomach?”

she looked up towards me with a cocked head and without expressing any emotion made a silent yawn.

“I’m sorry I am terribly tired ma’am.” I said before yawning loudly. I still stood before her waiting for some kind of response but thought to myself “do I even need a response? A good host should always offer a drink even if their guest does not ask for one! A good host should always know the state of their guests well being.” I excused myself from the room and stepped into my quaint kitchen to prepare a glass of water.

“I hope you don’t mind I am out of ice!” I announced from the kitchen before walking back into the living room to hand her the glass. She was still sat where I had seen her last, still staring at me with a cocked head not that I minded of course. she had finished her first cigarette and left the butt to the side of the coaster the ash piled quite nicely in the center of it. I reached for the coaster and smiled at her politely even though I had spilled some of the ash onto the floor.

She furrowed her brow slightly and then stood up from her spot on the couch and just as she did before she made a silent yawn and walked towards the door.

“so sorry about this madam” I yawned. “I’d walk you out the door but I am just so tired, please have safe travels.”

She left quietly but hastily, The moment that door closed it was as if I had been thrown into a separate reality. One moment I was standing in the middle of my neat tidy living room with fresh scents from a nearby candle floating through the air, the next moment I was standing in a dark, dusty, filthy den which had a thick stench of rotting food and what I believe was feces. I knew it must have been a different reality entirely because my nice navy blue button up shirt and straight cut khaki slacks had suddenly changed too. I was now wearing stained, torn, damp sweatpants and a white T-shirt that was yellowed with sweat and smelled as if I hadn’t taken it off in years. As I was taking in my new surroundings my sudden spell of exhaustion had taken over me and I buckled at the knees nearly collapsing entirely.

“Oh goodness me.” I exclaimed.

“I must take myself to bed immediately I have to be in some kind of nightmare.” I walked through the kitchen and took a right into my bedroom. I had to hold my breath and tiptoe as I made my way through. The stench of rotting moldy food was too over powering, Every surface I looked at was covered in some kind of fluffy white and green mold and around my feet I could see the skittering of rats as they hunted insects and roaches. I finally stepped into the bedroom and my mattress was missing entirely. Where my plush queen sized mattress had once stood was now a pile of clothes and shreds of cardboard. Every wall had yellow drippings from about halfway up all the way down to the floor. There was even a towel in the corner of the room that had probably once been purple or maybe blue but now it was covered in sprouting mushrooms and had a web of mycelium covering it as if a giant spider of sorts had taken it as it’s home.

“Oh- oh my.” I had muttered out, My hand covering my mouth.

“How could anyone live like this.” I was utterly baffled at what I had saw. I stepped further into that filthy place and I had approached the mass of stale clothes and cardboard which upon closer inspection had been chewed on food boxes. I felt that lightheaded wave of exhaustion take over me again and I had collapsed at the knees face first into the pile and fallen into a deep sleep.

When I had woken up I was extremely relived to find myself in my room and no longer in that bio-hazard that resembled my home. I walked around skeptically though, Shuffling my feet and touching surfaces that had once been covered in mold or general filth. I kept thinking to myself, Had I gone crazy? Was I sleep walking perhaps? Was any of that real? Or am I in the dream now and all that filth was my actual life. The more I thought of it the sicker it made me feel, Every time I tried to imagine what those yellowish stains on my wall could have been it felt as if a stone had dropped in my stomach. I spent the next few days scrubbing every inch of my home in fear that I was actually imagining my neat and tidy environment or that perhaps one of the many mushrooms that had taken residence among the molds was making me hallucinate. I had nightmares of waking up inside that pile of clothes covered in rat bites and insects navigating through my hair, In these nightmares I would force my eyes shut and do anything I could to fall asleep so I could wake up in my tidy home. One afternoon though, precisely 1:35 pm I heard a knocking at my door that same rythmless knocking. I made my way over, Undid the latch, Put on a hearty smile and let her inside.

“Hello yet again madam, What a pleasure it is to see you today.” I said quite enthusiastically, In fact I was quite happy to see her it helped keep my mind off of my incessant cleaning. Once again though she said not a word and was in the same if not identically clothing as last time, She walked over to the sofa and sat down.

“May I offer you a drink this time? I’m sure I have tea around here somewhere if water doesn’t quite catch your fancy.” she stared up at me with a cocked look before opening her mouth to mimic a yawning expression.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I yawned this time and maintained my expression and composure, Although I felt a little drowsy now I felt it would be rude to act in such a way in front of my infrequent guest. She pulled out a bejeweled and gold laden lighter with quite an interesting design on it, She flicked the flint a few times but a spark did not hold and as she held it away from her face to inspect it I caught myself staring at it and spoke up.

“U-um excuse me ma’am if I may..” she stopped inspecting the lighter and flicked her head to me and had almost a furious look on her face.

“Sorry I know this is quite rude of me to ask but if you must smoke I’d prefer you smoke outside, I just scrubbed the walls you see and..” she quickly stood up and walked towards me she was mere inches from my face where she looked deep into my eyes before backing off and stepping out onto the porch.

I don’t think she smoked outside though, She stood outside for maybe one or two minuets before coming back inside. She made another silent yawning face towards me and then walked right back out of the door and left for the day, I wasn’t even able to say goodbye or react past my deep yawn which had now made me feel quite unbelievably drowsy. I threw my arms into the air to stretch and when I had opened my eyes I was once again thrown into that nightmarish realm just like the last time she had come over. My breath began to quicken and I began to feel panicked, The house had seemed even worse off since the last time I had been here. the noises from the street didn’t help ease me either, Sounds of cars honking, People yelling, And the sound of what could be gunshots or fireworks followed quickly by sirens. I started fiddling with my hands and murmuring to myself, Anything to calm down.

“oh god oh god.” I shuddered to myself and I began tugging at my hair and earlobes. I didn’t even realize how hard I was tugging until i saw strands of hair fall before my eyes with the follicles still attached. I had so many terrible thoughts racing through my head, It felt like my head was a race track for nascar or something I couldn’t focus on anything in particular and everything was happening so fast and my ears were getting red and sore from all the tugging and my hair stopped falling in strands it was now chunks and I started scratching at my arms till they were rubbed raw and it was all too much it was just too too much I just screamed, I screamed and screamed and screamed.

I slammed my body into the front door before flinging it open and stumbling out into the hallway. My body felt so weak that even though I could feel the adrenaline coarse through my veins and my heart beating out of my chest I could barley walk straight. My vision began to get starry and black out a little. I was breathing so hard that’s all i really remember while blacked out like that. some sirens some incoherent yelling perhaps and then I ended up here. Who was she do you think? And when can I go back home? I miss my bed and how clean everything was. I’ve tried sleeping to wake up there but I just can’t.