​A Michael Scott style Job – VP of Excuse Management / How would you make it better?

Role Description

Ever charmed your way out of a sticky situation? This role’s got your name written all over it.

As the “Vice President of Excuse Management” at …, you will oversee the strategic use of creative justifications across various operational contexts. This role demands a sharp understanding of organizational targets and the ability to devise compelling narratives when these targets are not met.

The ideal candidate will be a master storyteller with exceptional excuse-making skills, capable of navigating high-pressure situations with a cover story.

This position will report to the CEO – Chief Excuse Officer of …

You will

Craft believable and creative excuses to help women gracefully exit an unsafe situation. (check ~…~ for more details) Manage the 24/7 “Excuse Hotline” to support leadership team in urgent need of a quick fabrication. Actively conspire with every department to collect their wildest excuses — because when it comes to excuse-making, there’s no “I” in team, but there is a “YOU” if you look hard enough! Keep spinning up a never-ending roster of believable, creative excuses for every scenario under the sun — so good, you’d think they were made up on the spot! Spoiler alert: they definitely are. Conduct regular training sessions for team members on the art of excuse-making, ensuring the company’s overall productivity goes down.

Ideally, you’d have

BS/MS in relevant fields such as Blame Shifting or Manipulation Strategies Having a “Saul Goodman Certification in Artful Dodging” is a plus Having a GED certification is a plus – Grandmaster of Elaborate Deception 4+ years of moving up the “corporate” ladder by securing promotions through persuasive excuse crafting and justifications Knack for seamless storytelling and persuasive communication, adept at ‘faking it’ to ‘make it’ under any circumstance Advanced proficiency in changing the subject with seamless ease and effectiveness

How to apply?

Reach out to us at ~…~ explaining why you’re the world’s second-best candidate for this role (because we all know who the best is).