​Grieving The Loss

He passed away.

I am grieving, but this grief is not what one might expect. I am grieving the loss of something I never had.

At one point he decided he did not want this family anymore. He did not need us. So he left.

Not even a Goodbye, a hug or I’ll miss you.

I spent the next decades burying the true pain I was in from my loss.

It is only now that he has left this earth that I truly realise my loss.

I lost Love, affection, being cherished and supported, no matter what.

I lost cuddles, kisses, affirmations every child deserves.

I lost a hand to wipe my tears when I struggled. For him to be there, always.

I lost encouragement to follow my dreams, no matter how big or small.

I lost the sharing of joy in my life with him.

Of me graduating from University, becoming a wife and having children of my own.

But even though I am grieving his loss, I feel in many ways he is the loser.

He has lost a kind, gentle, loving daughter.

He has lost a positive, determined woman, who has felt lonely and lost many times, but who has always come through with a smile on her face.

He has lost seeing his daughter go through the struggles, the pain and the absolute joy of becoming a Mother.

I am the winner because I have found love. My Husband loves me, my friends love me and my children love me.

I am the winner because my children are blessed with a Mother and a Father who love them unconditionally, with the passion and devotion they deserve.

I am the winner, for I have lived my life with the courage and strength without him, without the Father I always deserved.