​Had a bit too much time to think last night

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There he sat. Staring at the stars, blinking far, far away. Not those stars said to be hovering above, yet those stars which had overshadowed the former: Man-made suns that never set, never rested. Those very lights he found flickering before his eyes, blotting out those overhead, he couldn’t help but think, each stood for a story. To each person behind the light, theirs was perhaps as vibrant to them as his was to himself. Yet, no matter how colourful, tragic or flashy, the more important it seemed to each, the more inconsequential it was on the wider stage of it all. They all were alike in that: Meaningless grains, slaves to the whims of an uncaring, harsh torrent. Whatever brief interruptions of trangquility, another merciless gust was promised to tear apart any oh-so-sweet rest. Up close, as one of those moving among the leagues upon leagues of fates tossed around in the whirlwind of life, perhaps you could make out a few distinct grains, and, if not that, one might at least differentiate their own existence from everyone else’s. From afar, however, what little distinction there was to begin with faded into non-existence. A distant observer may as well be looking at one humongous stew, endlessly and pointlessly meandering about.
He quickly felt that uniformity in observation changing towards a literal one. This moment, one of rapid acceleration towards the abyss, was the cumulative result of his life. All of it had led to this point. This was the pinnacle. That made the sorry state he was in even more apparent. His entire existence had led up to this glimpse in time. “Pathetic”, he couldn’t help but think. He felt the cold metal to his skin. Colder even than the already frigid autumn air, yet somehow comforting – a steadying sensation. He let his gaze wander across the sea of lights once more before letting his eyes flutter shut, sending a single tear earthward.
This was it. He pulled the trigger. Click.
Silence.
He lived. He was miserable.