​Home

A question has been bothering me lately. Define home: Is it your house? Is it a place where your family lives? Maybe a person? It’s very unknown to me. I dont feel at home anywhere. My house is full of people almost every day. This week i’m alone with my brother. He was throwing some party in the name of his friend, my excuse when asked to attend was i didn’t want to bother anyone. So i locked myself in my room, where only my thoughts were present, creating clouds and bubbles all over the place. I started thinking about my home. I felt powerful and empty at the same time. Being in my strength bubble, all by myself. Now all thats left of my home is that bubble with only me in it. Imagine it as a yin yang circle (where a black alpha wolf is in the white side, and a beautiful white Luna on the dark side. Luna leaves, by the alpha wolf’s decision, and her knowing that she’s better off without him. Now the alpha wolf is alone and has to balance the good and the bad by himself). I have to take care of it alone. I am doing a pretty good job though. But seeing this house empty when my brother isn’t here reminds me of all the memories my house actually had when it was a home. Now nothing feels like home and noone feels like home. At first i felt tempted to invite my home and spend some quality time like i used to, but knowing how everything would turn out, i stopped thinking towards inviting, and started thinking more towards accepting. My home suffered changes so it isn’t really my home right now. It’s just me against the world. It feels powerful to handle it alone. It being my house with all the memories and thoughts who are succeeding in crushing me to pieces. Even though i manage to pick them all up by the morning, it doesn’t stop. I am aware of my strength and i hope my home is too.. If ever my home needs me for a talk or anything else, i’ll be at home…