​I am tired.

I feel worthless and used it comes in waves with him. Sometimes I feel like we have a chance and he makes me believe but even then I still look back a year and it still hurts. LIke a flickering candle my hope starts to diminish and pain takes it place. I ask myself what am I worth? what about what I want? Why am I never enough? How can he throw away the years so easily while I hang onto ever millisecond of the ropes of memories and time spent by the watering threads. I don’t want to leave or give up I think that’s all that has happened with him people giving up or being pushed away. Yet I ask myself how much of me can I part with? What happens when I have nothing left to give. Would he stay with me and be true like I do for him NO. I know he won’t I can’t even tell if he really loves me anymore and the way he treated his others so greatly compared to what I get and to the point I wonder why he asks so much of me that he would never think of to ask them. I feel my mind and heart fight daily the pain of abandonment trust broken and the lies deception and the total pleasure in my pain. I know what I should ​do but I cannot I love someone who will kill me