​Mental health and friends

As I was sitting at this restaurant the voices of my friends grew louder. The air turned hot. So heavy, my lungs filled with water, the steam coming out my ears. All I could smell are the burnt ashes of cigarette. Ishka looks at me and asks, ‘what’s new with you?’ How do I explain that I’ve been laying in a box starring at the popcorn ceiling for 6 months. No one even noticed the disappearance, or the fact that my hair is matted down. Yet here we are. My face flushed red, all the eyes piercing through my soul. I say ‘I’ve been depressed.’

Suddenly the world became quiet. The only thing I can hear was my heart pounding. My hands sweaty. Waiting begging for someone to say something. No words. I felt the need to pop the air. “I’m on antidepressants”. They start looking at each other. The lump in my throat started swelling. I thought I was choking. Why is no one saying anything? Luckily the waiter comes to check in. A sign of relief but for not long. Jamila reverts the conversation to explain how career driven she is. My heart sank.Although she did offer that I can talk to her I knew that was a lie. Where were you all during my hardest times?

We walked back to the car and the breeze was cold.The noise grew loud cheers and joys. Experiences I have never seen before. Things I wasn’t apart of. They cut my artery open, took my blood to nourish their souls. I quickly understood that they were red and I was blue, we could never be one crew.

@strawbrymind