​Pain?

Something is wrong,
In my chest or my head
I can’t tell where it begins
Only that it never ends.

I feel the constant urge
To run from the noises,
My breath slips away
Like I do in crowded rooms.

My mind keeps punishing me.
I stumble over my own thoughts,
Dodge every burning stare,
Every memory.

And I just can’t stop wanting
More, always more.
I don’t know how to stop:

The white lines,
The quiet smoke,
The heavy liquid burning through my liver,
The stranger pressed too close.

My body is used,
And I use my body,
And I regret existing when I do
But at least the chatter
In my mind is silenced.

It’s like I’m always at war.
With no end in sight,
Not even in my own mind.

So I keep running,
Because stopping feels like something
I was never taught to do.