​Rift

What did you hide?
I asked it many times. Maybe as many as I felt my skin crawl. Is it even mine to carry? Seems foreign. When the secrets’ keeper starts to bleed, Almost everybody can see

Other times it’s internal. First seen by none. As life whittles it exposes some, You gotta hope there’s more to come. It’s a man of wisdom that knows ignorance to be bliss. Caught between what’s hidden and the way it made me love. A force thats anonymous. Ghost riding at its finest.

A broken clock is right two times. But your place in space determines your time. You’re fighting where your past keeps you, I’m frozen where I realized I need you.
I can’t make you see what I see.
But Your life is precious to me. So If you need a flight to my view, I’ll trade places with you. I won’t be one to fawn for long, But you’ll get to see what I see

And when you fly back to me the middle is where we meet And our two times can agree. I felt I knew you so deeply. A lifetime of passion in our first gaze. I was bare and afraid. My brother by choice, your brother by blood, put us together via his ghost.
Sad eyes locked when I walked in. We broke. Sure I misread, we were in the presence of our dead. I watched you all night, feeling dirty to be lost in your beauty as you were absorbed in the embrace of loss.

Two years and your mother needed me. I went because he’d have done it for me, instantly. I call it a synchronicity. We shared a de ja vous and I knew you’d felt it too. I saw how you looked at me when you thought i couldn’t see. I wanted to hold you so badly. Why me? After 6 weeks I asked you to have me.

But I’m not mine to give you and you’re not yours to accept me. A broken boy spoke words that have bound me to choose between integrity and authenticity, still living the life he committed to. We’re both trapped in the symbol of unity that leaves us lonely. You won’t let yourself trust me and your damage is too deep to believe I’m real. I stopped begging, that’s not me. You think you’re too broken to be worth healing and I know the margins of my effect. Please don’t leave us, Sugar.

It doesn’t matter anyway. I see it was just a dream. Another one has rights to my time and energy, in perpetuity.

When the intersection between life and my view left me floating in time,
The whittling was done and the kindling had been used to start a fire. I’m sorry that before I stopped the bleeding I couldn’t see that getting well would not close the rift. I told you I would stay and I have. The little ones are the ones really trapped.
The right choice seemed to be the one I made, I should have followed my heart.

The boy with the broken clock loved you honestly In the way he knew. But as the clock ticked properly and I healed I realized I sat silent for too long and became your resentment. The representation of your trauma so you could hate something in lieu of yourself. And I believed you. I’m clearly still angry. I’ll never love you, I’m not that stupid. But maybe I am, because I’m still here, and maybe I will, because of my relationship with fear.

I wish I never met her. The one I’m not bound to. The one I’ve never lied to. She awoke what I told myself would come back with time. It was supposed to come back for you. How do I live this without hurting you? My boys cannot see me hurt you, without me hurting them. I must learn how to change my shape. Do we break the man and bring back the boy? Maybe then he’ll think this is what he deserves. But remember man…that boy wasn’t long for this earth.

I’m torn so deeply. The universe has embraced me, to walk in light and joy. To shed guilt – So I professed my love for another. And so the cycle repeats. Maybe this time next year I’ll ask…what did you hide? And hopefully the boy will not remember the home in the eyes of the one that’s not mine.