​The Dream I Could Touch

I long for a dream,

but not the distant, unreachable kind,

not the kind you only live inside your imagination.

I want a dream that resembles reality,

one that can be touched,

one that can breathe in the real world.

A dream not too near, not too far,

something like you.

Because I had always carried you in my mind,

in my dreams,

even long before I saw you, before I knew you.

I used to think you were only a childish fantasy.

But you weren’t.

You were more real than anything I had ever dared to imagine.

I would draw your face in my thoughts,

that round face of yours,

your small nose,

your narrow dark eyes that turned light brown

under the sunlight.

Your full, tempting lips,

often dry, gently peeling,

how I wish I could feel them just once more.

Your neat, perfect teeth,

your smile that melted sugar into my heart.

Your warm wheat-colored skin,

the geometry of your body

that left my own skin thirsty

for the memory of your touch.

I could devote entire pages

to describing you,

detail by detail, piece by piece,

though some parts of you

belong only to me.

You were my dream.

A dream I held only briefly.

A dream that felt like a film.

A dream I was never ready to stop seeing.

But you forced me to wake up.

You forced me to choose freedom.

Ah… I wish you hadn’t.

I wish you hadn’t left me

with memories

and a longing that refuses to end.

This longing has taken over my entire being.

It has no intention of leaving.

I had you only for a short while,

yet your absence aged me a lifetime.

Your choice shattered me.

I wish you had lifted me back up.

But as always,

I rose alone.

I kept going.

I learned to walk my path

with grief and love for you

held quietly inside me.

My heart could never finish you.

It always called your name.

It kept searching,

never growing tired.

Oh, my broken heart,

I pity it,

and yet I admire it too

for never surrendering.

It only fell silent.

I wish we hadn’t become

so unaware of each other.

I wish we hadn’t drifted

into this distance.

I miss you deeply.

This longing still brings me to tears.

Time has passed,

yet neither my body,

nor my heart,

nor my soul

has forgotten you.

My body continues,

but my heart and soul

were left somewhere behind,

in a world where you still existed.

Perhaps by the Swan Lake,

where we danced our final dance,

and pressed our last kiss to each other’s lips.

Perhaps they stayed there

and never came back with me.

I long for a dream like you,

no…

I long for you.

Ashley the name you gave me