​You first, you second, you third

I had always known from the bottom of my heart, love would be the death of me. It started upon meeting her, who taught me the beauty of love. I was able to experience a certain oneness, that I couldn’t replicate. Not after all this time, not after all this suffering, not after all this heartache. None of them could ever be her. But that wasn’t what I wanted or expected. I wanted to meld with you this time, every breath I took in wanted to be yours, and every tear I shed belonged to you as yours did mine. Why was it so hard? Why couldn’t we meld? I wanted to become something new with you. Was it extreme? Was my desire to abandon who I once was to reach a new perspective with you deplorable?

To forget what I am, for you, for us, for I, was it that strange? How many more times must I tear myself apart for you? There is beauty within destruction as with creation, but I’ll be honest, I’ve lost sight of who I am. I am no longer her, him, them, or me. I must’ve done something wrong, right? It makes no sense. Why are they all with me? Tearing at me? Caressing me? Holding me? The memory of you or was it me? I have no clue. It brings about a sudden cool breeze with a warm sun that dries their tears and mine.

What a shame, all of them, they’ve all left something of theirs behind, and it’s mine. It doesn’t bother me, it just hurts because you’ll always come first, second, third, and where will I be? And why can’t it be with you? Ah, there you are. Let’s all try together this time perhaps the new I, could become enough for someone like you. Come and please be the death of me for a lifetime of we.