​Good Morrow: Reports of a Kingdom on Fire

Good Morrow, your esteemed highness!

I am your humble replacement to your previous servant whom you so kindly relieved of his living privileges. I mean not to replicate his mistake of using your latrine for his personal use. Two leagues is a perfectly acceptable distance for a servants privy. How dare he!?!

I’d give you my name but you likely wouldn’t care anyway. I serve at the majesties pleasure and intend to deliver complete reports of the goings within your perfectly peaceful and plentiful kingdom- if you ignore the starving peasants in the streets of course.

Might I say, your highness, I am throughly impressed with the way you handled the rebellion not three weeks hence. Those rotting traitors had the nerve, nay, the audacity to attempt to thwart your rule. I can still hear the shouts of pain as your castle guards toppled a wall on top of their feeble “army” if you would call it that.