She got ready to leave and as I was smoking, she asked “Why are you making that face?”
Like I was making a look.
I raised my eyebrow.
“Is there really anything left for me to say?”
I asked her — half joking/half seriously.
She got defensive
“I was just asking a question because you were making a look”
I paused.
Then said “I want my friend back.”
” —me too” she tried to agree.
“And I’m tired.” I finished.
But I didn’t mean physically, and I think she knew it because of the silence that followed.
I was tired of this.
Tired of the indecision, but also tired of not having her really here.
My best friend for over 5 years hasn’t been anything like herself for weeks and I want her back.
When we were standing downstairs as she went to leave, she said
“I think you’re right…Whatever decision I make is going to hurt somebody.”
“Just gotta do it”
(but that last bit was quieter, more intentional – almost to herself)
I kept quiet, then met her eye. A real look, but not a burning stare.
I told her, “I’ll be on the couch.”
She made a smile which I did not return and said “Sure you won’t be on the stairs?”
I knew what she meant.
When I used to drink, I would black out sometimes. She would help me off the stairs and into bed.
It wasn’t a good memory, but it was one we usually framed with humor.
But tonight I couldn’t meet her in that nostalgia.
Her smile faltered and she mumbled that she had just been trying to make a joke.
When she was putting on her shoes, she asked for me to save her a piece of pizza and I said, “Sure.”
Walking outside, she almost closed the door, and this time I was ready to let her go without saying goodbye.
Because there’s nothing like unmet hopes to dash your mood and your dreams.
But as the door swung she stopped it, pushed it back and said
“I wanted to make sure to say “goodbye.”
I said bye too and locked the door.
When I ran to get pizza earlier, I saw our two photo booth reels on the dashboard again.
Sometime after the start of our “break” I wrote on the back of one,
“I love us Yams”
(one of my nicknames for her.)
I placed this note-facing side toward the driver side so she could see it when she got in the car.
I like the photo reel pictures, we’re kissing and smiling and being playful.
She sent me a snap when she got to the car, a picture of the “I love us Yams”
Captioned:
“Me too J”
submitted by /u/yesterdaysjelly
[link] [comments]