​Rock Bottom

Rock bottom.

I had finally hit rock bottom.

Although I knew this was a certainty, it got me thinking; what is rock bottom? What does it mean to me, and, do we all have different measurements we use to determine what rock bottom entails?

This thought led me to the conclusion that I had not just hit rock bottom. I had hit my rock bottom.

My rock bottom is using alcohol every weekend to attempt a connection with others and continuing this weekend after weekend without fail until suddenly one day I wake up and find myself at a destination of alcohol dependency at the age of 25.

My rock bottom is losing connection with my mother over my careless behaviour every weekend I fly home and end up anywhere but our home the entirety of the weekend.

My rock bottom is realising I can’t go a week without a drink, especially when a minor incident occurs.

My rock bottom is being at my final year in university and feeling shame, guilt and what would later come to being described as embarrassment at the amount of academic struggles taking over me that I so naively thought I would never face.

My rock bottom is ruthless money spending, a lack of savings and caring more about the colour of my nails than the number displayed on my Monzo bank account.

My rock bottom is being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in March earlier this year and instead of it being known as my turning point on looking after my body, I abuse it more; more alcohol, more vapes and more fatty foods.

My rock bottom is when not eating unhealthy it means not eating at all.

My rock bottom is acknowledging all of the above and not making a change.

Sometimes, we have to hit our own version of rock bottom before we can make a change in ourselves.

Sometimes, we have to be so sick of our own excuses, the hangxiety, the body negativity, the loneliness and self sabotaging, in order to start building the best versions of ourselves.

Although some people never reach this stage and stay consumed by the vicious, repetitive circle that consists of a lack of self discipline, there are those that break this circle.

That’s the conclusion I have a gained during my version of rock bottom.

It isn’t what happens to us, it’s how we handle what happens to us.