​The blue pill

I’ll dance around my words, stop my dreams becoming hurt But I’ll watch your every move, take in every choice you choose And store the information- not for now, But for the next time that you choose me, the next time I could lose the attention that I crave

And I’ll lie awake at night, all too often, all too tired Allow myself to dream, mind winding stories, now routine I pick a strand each eve, create an image that I grieve for, when I wake from the story every morn

Because I long for seventeen, the freedom, a slate wiped clean A chance to dance in the rain, let me laugh and your hair wave Another year away from the ugly and the hurt Another year that we could love

But we can’t have-

Because you would never choose me, so afraid that you’d lose me that your willing to let go of what we have And I feel her shadow lurking, behind every moment frozen, watching memories that I can’t hide from her But you can never see her, you barely ever breathe, her name never comes up in conversation

And so forms an illusion that I could have you choose me, an illusion that was always going to fall

They always fall.

So the illusion you create and the dreams that I play twist into a story I could never have. Do I hold onto the illusion? And let me mind consume me? Or pull away a brick and watch it fall? But would you clime out of the rubble? Make it out of all the trouble? Would I be left here on my own?

So I dance around my words, stop my dreams becoming hurt And pretend that the blue pill tastes just fine