​Notes to the Dead Arc: The Walk to the Edge

Notes to the Dead Arc Chapter 2: The Walk to the Edge

There was a particular day in a jumble of many mediocre ones when me and Toc were doing our usual duties: filling the food processor with water, gathering sticks to support our tent whenever Toc asked:

“Do you trust me, even after what I did?”

He looked at me with a very worried look and I could feel but pity.

“Of course.”

I wrapped him in my arms and rubbed his back as his whole body shook underneath me. After a while he finally stopped shivering and turned away to face the ocean.

There was a long moment of silence until Toc asked a question:

“Would you like to do a walk to the edge?”
“A walk to the edge? What’s that?”

“It’s whenever you have two people and they each take a turn going to the edge. First, we will go to the center and with my back facing you, I’ll walk to the edge and you’ll follow me. Then we’ll both turn around, and then you’ll walk to the edge while I follow you.”

He turned to face me and there was a weird look on his face. It was a face of desperation and guilt.

“And what’s the point of this?”

“Well if you want to push me off the edge you can, for I would rather die than think you didn’t trust me.”

“Oh come on! I said I trusted you, isn’t that enough.”

“Then you’ll go to the edge and I won’t push you off so that I’ll show I trust you.”

I looked into his eyes, but instead of seeing insanity I only saw a worried face, and then realized if we were going to live on this island together, peacefully, we could not have such a distrust between us. So, I said, reluctantly:

“Fine, let’s walk to the edge.”

I stood up, and he did too, than he turned around.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes”

He then, slowly, started to walk towards the edge of the rock, shaking, and I could hear his teeth chatter. It was a windy day. The closer he got to the edge the more he started to vibrate, and the more I started to also. He then got to the edge. The drop was around 10 feet, but we both knew that was not the real danger. The real danger was the fear of the huge beasts underneath the surface waiting for food.

Once, Toc threw a stick into the ocean and throughout the whole day there was a deep, rubber rubbing on rubber noise which we speculated was the giant, slick, skin of the beasts of the deep.

“I’ll stand here until you tell me to turn around.”

The wind started to build up so that his clothes were close against his skin. I then thought,

“Even after all he did, and even though he lied, how come I still love him. No, love is not the right word, but pity. Whenever he told the truth it was with the same expression when he asked to do this dumb thing. Yes, he did he did assault and murder her, and then lied, but how come I still feel pity.”

Toc was shivering even more now and he was rubbing his sweaty hands with his back hunched over.

“So this is what it’s like to have someone’s life in your hands, huh?”

Something changed within me then. He put his hand on Toc’s shoulders and Toc winced.

“Maybe he should die! He lied and assaulted her like she was just some trash to throw away! Lying, dirty-“

Suddenly, Toc started to lose balance and fall.